Seven Layer Bean Dip is a staple of Super Bowl parties, but there's an inherent risk: What if you show up with a seven layer dip, and someone else brings eight layer dip? It's humiliating. Last year, we created this 32 Layer Bean Dip recipe to help you win the Dip Arms Race, once and for all.
It's surprisingly tasty, though there is no tortilla chip long enough to scoop all 32 layers at once. It's worth noting also that it's vegetarian — assuming you choose a vegetarian flavor of Hot Pocket — but keep in mind, you may be creating a primordial soup from which future animals emerge.
32-Layer Bean Dip
1 can refried beans
1 red onion
1 Hot Pocket
1/2 cup guacamole
1/4 cup barbecue sauce
1 tablespoon bread crumbs
1/4 cup roasted, salted peanuts
1/4 cup creamed corn
27 tater tots
2 frozen waffles
1/4 cup cheddar cheese, grated
1/4 cup Monterey Jack cheese, grated
1/4 cup mozzarella cheese, grated
1/4 cup taco cheese, grated (I don't know what this is but they had it at the store)
1/4 cup mashed potatoes
1/4 cup popcorn
9 potato chips
1/4 cup corn flakes
1 package 7-Layer Dip (this only counts as one layer)
1 tablespoon mayonnaise
1 tablespoon Sriracha
1 scrambled egg
1/4 cup marinara sauce
1 slice toast, toasted
1 tablespoon butter (not a layer, but dry toast would be gross)
1/2 cup macaroni and cheese
a pinch of salt
1/3 cup au gratin potatoes
Choose a large, clear bowl so everyone at the party can see what you're subjecting them to.
1. Prepare each individual ingredient according to its instructions. Tater tots should be baked, Hot Pocket should be microwaved, etc.
2. Spread the refried beans along the bottom of your bowl. After that, alternate between liquid and solid layers as much as possible.
3. Some layers will be uneven. Use leftover cheese to flatten them off, like Cheese Spackle.
4. Reconsider the creamed corn layer and add salsa instead.
5. Every 5 layers or so, use the bottom of a coffee mug to compress down all previous layers. Helpful hint: later, when you use this coffee mug again, try not to think about the 32-Layer Bean Dip or you'll get sick.
Now, for this year's Super Bowl party, we'll be going for 60+ layers, God and the Laws of Physics willing. I definitely want to get kimchi in there, and possibly a layer of Lipitor if I can get the dosage and liability insurance right. If you've got any ideas what we should toss in, please let us know.
[Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me. A version of this post appeared on npr.org last year.]